A Home for the Lonesome

It has been nearly five days since I left home to spend three weeks halfway across the world in Thailand. Though I'm not by myself (I am with my brother and close friend), there have been times in these few days that I have felt very lonely. It has been in those moments that I have thought a lot about "home" or simply the sensations of belonging.

Because I love to travel, or I love to dream of travel, I have often said that "you can't fully appreciate where you're going if you can't be content where you are". But as I'm sitting on a bed nearly 8,300 miles from my home, I realize that I've been wrong. I once had a teacher who would often tell us to never be content, not because you shouldn't appreciate all that you have (because you should!) but because being content means you will stop striving for more, and that should never happen. With that in mind, I've never truly appreciated where I come from - a small farming community in the middle of nowhere - and yet I am full of excitement and exhilaration each time I travel. For a moment, it's almost like I forget who I am outside of that little town, but once I find myself again I'm full of nothing but uncontainable joy. 

I am often alone. I was once talking to a friend and he asked me if I was alone by circumstance or by choice, and that question, for whatever reason, felt like a punch in the gut. I had no idea how to respond. Yes, sometimes the people I want to spend time with are unavailable, but if I really wanted to be with someone, I could. I came to the conclusion that I am alone by choice. I love solitude. And, like a true introvert, it's solitary that rejuvenates me rather than company. While the topic of solitude has been fresh on my mind as I travel, I realize that the two go hand in hand. Not because people often travel alone - because, let's face it, they don't - but because those who are lost (spiritually or mentally speaking) should travel alone. They should find a home in the world around them. 

Travel gives a person the chance to discover so much more of who they are. We, as people, know nothing more than the experiences we encounter. So, if we limit ourselves and our experiences to only the things that surround us, we can hardly grasp the idea of who we are. It should be our moral or even spiritual responsibility to step outside of the boundaries that are set for us and explore not only the world, but ourselves. Figure out what you love and hate. What makes you angry, what makes you smile, what makes you feel human, what makes you feel inhuman. All of these things are vital to discovering who we are as people. And hopefully, along your journey of self-discovery, you will find home in an unexpected place and feel solitude where you once felt lonely.