What I Wish I Knew

Nowadays, whenever someone is asked if they could go back and time and change one thing, the usual response is not a mistake they made or to undo something that they never wanted to happen, it's always "no regrets". No regrets, because everything is a lesson learned. And while most people will tell you that there's nothing they would change, those same people will also give you advice on what they wish they had known. But isn't wishing you would have known something the same as wishing you could have changed something?

There are things about my past that I regret. I think we're all lying to ourselves if we say there is nothing we wish we could have changed. Yes, we grow and learn from those mistakes, but some lessons we don't want to learn the hard way. After many years of messing up, moving on, and repeating, I've come to the conclusion that there are a few things in life that everybody should keep in the back of their mind, regardless of regrets, mistakes, and lessons learned the hard way.

1. Wait to form a reaction. I say a lot that "anger is a wasted emotion unless used to make a difference", but if that difference is to rip apart someone who ate your leftover Chinese food, it's not worth it. Wait a 24 hours. If in 24 hours you are still mad about something that happened, then respond. But only after 24 hours of mulling it over.

2. You should care what others think of you, but only if those cares will lead to self-improvement rather than self-destruction. We, as people, should always be striving to be a better version of ourselves and that can never be achieved if you truly do not care what others think of you.

3. If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all. (I just cringed writing such a cliche.) But it's true. If what you're putting into this world will do nothing but tear someone down or fuel a fire, bite your tongue and move on. The world has enough negativity in it as it is.

4. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. This one is said a lot too. You work hard every week to bring home a nice paycheck - buy yourself something nice. You eat healthy as often as possible in order to be healthy, so a piece of cheesecake won't do you any harm (and chocolate is good for you in moderation, so eat some!). You wear yourself out from various daily activities, so take a break and have a movie marathon and be lazy for a day or two. 

5. "No" is not a bad word. I shouldn't need to explain this. Respect yourself enough to say "no" every once in a while.

6. It really is a good day for a good day. I used to hate it when people said that I determine my own happiness, as if I could control the things life throws at me or the emotions I feel. But when it comes down to it, you are the only one who can say "you know what, this will pass. I will be okay." And that is just what you need to do - acknowledge that you will be okay, and you will have a good day, because, you know what? You deserve it.

A Home for the Lonesome

It has been nearly five days since I left home to spend three weeks halfway across the world in Thailand. Though I'm not by myself (I am with my brother and close friend), there have been times in these few days that I have felt very lonely. It has been in those moments that I have thought a lot about "home" or simply the sensations of belonging.

Because I love to travel, or I love to dream of travel, I have often said that "you can't fully appreciate where you're going if you can't be content where you are". But as I'm sitting on a bed nearly 8,300 miles from my home, I realize that I've been wrong. I once had a teacher who would often tell us to never be content, not because you shouldn't appreciate all that you have (because you should!) but because being content means you will stop striving for more, and that should never happen. With that in mind, I've never truly appreciated where I come from - a small farming community in the middle of nowhere - and yet I am full of excitement and exhilaration each time I travel. For a moment, it's almost like I forget who I am outside of that little town, but once I find myself again I'm full of nothing but uncontainable joy. 

I am often alone. I was once talking to a friend and he asked me if I was alone by circumstance or by choice, and that question, for whatever reason, felt like a punch in the gut. I had no idea how to respond. Yes, sometimes the people I want to spend time with are unavailable, but if I really wanted to be with someone, I could. I came to the conclusion that I am alone by choice. I love solitude. And, like a true introvert, it's solitary that rejuvenates me rather than company. While the topic of solitude has been fresh on my mind as I travel, I realize that the two go hand in hand. Not because people often travel alone - because, let's face it, they don't - but because those who are lost (spiritually or mentally speaking) should travel alone. They should find a home in the world around them. 

Travel gives a person the chance to discover so much more of who they are. We, as people, know nothing more than the experiences we encounter. So, if we limit ourselves and our experiences to only the things that surround us, we can hardly grasp the idea of who we are. It should be our moral or even spiritual responsibility to step outside of the boundaries that are set for us and explore not only the world, but ourselves. Figure out what you love and hate. What makes you angry, what makes you smile, what makes you feel human, what makes you feel inhuman. All of these things are vital to discovering who we are as people. And hopefully, along your journey of self-discovery, you will find home in an unexpected place and feel solitude where you once felt lonely.